I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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