obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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