There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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