If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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