weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize