I wish my penis had an off switch
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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