these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
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Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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