In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
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Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
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Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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