He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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