apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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