Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!

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(610): Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me! http://tfl.nu/2u3z

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.

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(609): Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night. http://tfl.nu/lzo0

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.

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(918): I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending. http://tfl.nu/bckx

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(585): View more from New York

I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..

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(585): I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking.. http://tfl.nu/q39t

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(217): View more from Illinois

I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.

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(217): I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister. http://tfl.nu/65yp

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(813): View more from Florida

that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.

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(813): that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE. http://tfl.nu/ha03

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(203): View more from Connecticut

If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.

(518): View more from New York

So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?

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(203): If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi. (518): So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits? http://tfl.nu/jsif

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(253): View more from Washington

Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night

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(253): Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night http://tfl.nu/3m0v

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(850): View more from Florida

Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.

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(850): Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again. http://tfl.nu/pnzj

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(618): View more from Illinois

I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.

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(618): I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low. http://tfl.nu/dyuf

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(516): View more from New York

He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him

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(516): He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him http://tfl.nu/fil7

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(318): View more from Louisiana

Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.

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(318): Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult. http://tfl.nu/kp39

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(604): View more from British Columbia

I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor

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(604): I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor http://tfl.nu/wqmd

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(928): View more from Arizona

You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions

(1-928): View more from Arizona

Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.

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(928): You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions (1-928): Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit. http://tfl.nu/mpos

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(541): View more from Oregon

Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.

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(541): Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing. http://tfl.nu/bqm2

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