you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
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Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
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She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize