note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize