I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She bit a glass in half.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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