he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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