if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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