just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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