"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize