About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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