What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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