It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
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This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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