How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bag of teeth...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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