moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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