He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
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Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
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I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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