It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Less talking, more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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