All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize