everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
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And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
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If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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