Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize