i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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