I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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