I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize