I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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