he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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