On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize