hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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