If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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