"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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