I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
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The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
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I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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