This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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