I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
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