Texts From Last Night

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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.

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  (810): I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life. http://tfl.nu/vjtl
  Replies (3) Good night (816) Bad night (1804) Order T-Shirt
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  (510): View more from California

  The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.

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  (510): The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker. http://tfl.nu/49dy
  Replies (25) Good night (4149) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  just blow him with soup in your mouth.

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  (440): eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :( (1-440): just blow him with soup in your mouth. http://tfl.nu/7jjb
  Replies (13) Good night (3050) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.

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  (651): News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks. http://tfl.nu/z0bt
  Replies (7) Good night (4703) Bad night (516) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.

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  (407): wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved. http://tfl.nu/edpa
  Replies (18) Good night (1140) Bad night (9156) Order T-Shirt
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job

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  (862): My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job http://tfl.nu/i0ci
  Replies (56) Good night (4781) Bad night (1328) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love

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  (609): He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love http://tfl.nu/lok4
  Replies (47) Good night (3293) Bad night (7368) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.

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  (203): Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot. http://tfl.nu/4t9j
  Replies (2) Good night (1938) Bad night (991) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper

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  (773): That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper http://tfl.nu/zcg4
  Replies (3) Good night (1828) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.

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  (651): Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming. http://tfl.nu/qk4p
  Replies (4) Good night (1638) Bad night (1173) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.

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  (716): You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night. http://tfl.nu/x8q0
  Replies (7) Good night (1296) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
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  (212): View more from New York

  He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you

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  (212): He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket (617): I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you http://tfl.nu/qdni
  Replies (3) Good night (1519) Bad night (474)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!

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  (561): Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?! http://tfl.nu/98de
  Replies (13) Good night (1059) Bad night (453) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Can vaginas get frostbite?

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  (757): Can vaginas get frostbite? http://tfl.nu/ne3s
  Replies (12) Good night (342) Bad night (906) Order T-Shirt
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me

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  (334): I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me http://tfl.nu/iy9q
  Replies (6) Good night (493) Bad night (306) Order T-Shirt

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