What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
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Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
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It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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