that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize