I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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