woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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