I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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