I feel great
I just peed on a car
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize