tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
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I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
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Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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