Betty ford says i'm here all night
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize