Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
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Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
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dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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